Toward the end of a retreat I was leading, I was asked, "Can you speak to the difference between discernment and judgment?" The ask led me to explore this in a way I hadn't before.
Having a difficult time navigating a misunderstanding with my partner right now and this is helping me to widen the lens to include his pain while also holding a larger space for my own. Thank you🙏
You touch and speak to my heart on a regular basis Mark and today is no exception. In fact, I would have to say your post is “Perfectly on time in this gifted moment“ because I have recently found myself in a space where taking a deeper look at an unfolding situation was needed. What you have gifted us with today will be added to my “bucket of tools” to go back to and draw on as I continue with my best efforts to look after my side of the street. 🙏💕
This inquiry into discernment and judgement has been an ongoing one for me for several years now so I value your use of the binoculars v microscope. Thank you for taking the time to write and share this. It is very insightful and supportive.
So many people believe that if we don’t judge we condone all behaviors.
This is a misconception.
I can work to prevent companies from polluting without judging those who are engaged in polluting. I can be curious about them without closing my heart.
Extremely thought provoking. I’m reminded of the invitation to just be present with what is in the moment and let all that judgement settle so that discernment can rise. Thank you.
So applicable. Not judging is not easy but so worth the effort. Just read Brooke Warner’s piece on memoir where she mentions you and your writing. Apparently my husband and I are not the only ones reading your Book of Awakening most mornings over coffee (for many years now). You are a compass for me and I thank you. ☺️
I love your Book of Awakening, but I respectfully disagree with your essay’s conclusions. Different situations require different tools. Some jobs require a microscope or a fine-toothed comb. Other jobs require a hammer or even a sledgehammer. Let’s say you find yourself in an abusive relationship. Discernment is useful in starting to understand
various behaviors and to see what’s actually happening. But one could get trapped in splitting hairs and giving the benefit of the doubt. The fact is, assuming our own lens is the problem can amount to self-gaslighting. Sure, our lens can get foggy. AND—sometimes we see very very clearly. Making a judgment about the other person might be needed to extricate oneself. I’ve been on a spiritual path for a long time. And I worry that, for people with various relational traumas, doubt themselves too much-/and can lead to staying in harmful situations.
The truth is, there are people out there who do consistent harm and who even enjoy hurting others. They aren’t just wrong for us. They are harmful across the board.
Besides Webster’s second definition of judgement is “a decision or opinion based on careful thought.”
As I deepen my spiral life, I am discerning that spiritual teachings must all be taken with a grain of salt. I will continue to use judgment and discernment as tools. The work is in knowing when to use which.
Thank you for this. Very valuable. When I teach my middle & high schoolers & also with the adults I coach, I use the term “harmful judgements” to help distinguish between these harmful thoughts & the snap judgements of our sympathetic nervous system to keep us safe. I learned this phrasing from Gina Biegel’s Stressed Teens & MBSR-t course.
I appreciate your descriptions to better understand discerning & (harmfully) judging. Very helpful & very insightful- Thank you!
Thank you,Mark, and also to all those who commented. I feel a bit heavy with my judgement and have wondered about its role in my life. In general, i fully understand the difference between discernment- and even appreciate the word because it seems lighter, softer- and judgement. But, wow, I am struggling not to judge the leadership of America now, the men and women associated with Epstein who perpetrated the pain and deep suffering of young girls and boys (we now know), who tear families from each other and hold children as prisoners. How is discernment appropriate? How might I care about the experience of the perpetrators? When the suffering requires so much of our love and attention? I truly want to release the weight of this judgment but I am afraid if we do, we will shrink in the face of what I honestly judge - or discern- as evil. I would appreciate feedback from any of you! Help! 😘
Having a difficult time navigating a misunderstanding with my partner right now and this is helping me to widen the lens to include his pain while also holding a larger space for my own. Thank you🙏
I found this question quite profound with all that is going on in the world, in our country and personally. I will be processing this for a while.
Love this piece, thank you Mark.
You touch and speak to my heart on a regular basis Mark and today is no exception. In fact, I would have to say your post is “Perfectly on time in this gifted moment“ because I have recently found myself in a space where taking a deeper look at an unfolding situation was needed. What you have gifted us with today will be added to my “bucket of tools” to go back to and draw on as I continue with my best efforts to look after my side of the street. 🙏💕
This inquiry into discernment and judgement has been an ongoing one for me for several years now so I value your use of the binoculars v microscope. Thank you for taking the time to write and share this. It is very insightful and supportive.
I know as I change my view from judging - myself and others - to discerning, I am free and feel part of the group.
Clear and important!
So many people believe that if we don’t judge we condone all behaviors.
This is a misconception.
I can work to prevent companies from polluting without judging those who are engaged in polluting. I can be curious about them without closing my heart.
Curiosity opens.
Judgement closes.
I want to live an open life.
Even when it's painful.
Thank you for this beautiful and useful reflection.
Extremely thought provoking. I’m reminded of the invitation to just be present with what is in the moment and let all that judgement settle so that discernment can rise. Thank you.
So applicable. Not judging is not easy but so worth the effort. Just read Brooke Warner’s piece on memoir where she mentions you and your writing. Apparently my husband and I are not the only ones reading your Book of Awakening most mornings over coffee (for many years now). You are a compass for me and I thank you. ☺️
I love your Book of Awakening, but I respectfully disagree with your essay’s conclusions. Different situations require different tools. Some jobs require a microscope or a fine-toothed comb. Other jobs require a hammer or even a sledgehammer. Let’s say you find yourself in an abusive relationship. Discernment is useful in starting to understand
various behaviors and to see what’s actually happening. But one could get trapped in splitting hairs and giving the benefit of the doubt. The fact is, assuming our own lens is the problem can amount to self-gaslighting. Sure, our lens can get foggy. AND—sometimes we see very very clearly. Making a judgment about the other person might be needed to extricate oneself. I’ve been on a spiritual path for a long time. And I worry that, for people with various relational traumas, doubt themselves too much-/and can lead to staying in harmful situations.
The truth is, there are people out there who do consistent harm and who even enjoy hurting others. They aren’t just wrong for us. They are harmful across the board.
Besides Webster’s second definition of judgement is “a decision or opinion based on careful thought.”
As I deepen my spiral life, I am discerning that spiritual teachings must all be taken with a grain of salt. I will continue to use judgment and discernment as tools. The work is in knowing when to use which.
Thank you for this. Very valuable. When I teach my middle & high schoolers & also with the adults I coach, I use the term “harmful judgements” to help distinguish between these harmful thoughts & the snap judgements of our sympathetic nervous system to keep us safe. I learned this phrasing from Gina Biegel’s Stressed Teens & MBSR-t course.
I appreciate your descriptions to better understand discerning & (harmfully) judging. Very helpful & very insightful- Thank you!
Thank you,Mark, and also to all those who commented. I feel a bit heavy with my judgement and have wondered about its role in my life. In general, i fully understand the difference between discernment- and even appreciate the word because it seems lighter, softer- and judgement. But, wow, I am struggling not to judge the leadership of America now, the men and women associated with Epstein who perpetrated the pain and deep suffering of young girls and boys (we now know), who tear families from each other and hold children as prisoners. How is discernment appropriate? How might I care about the experience of the perpetrators? When the suffering requires so much of our love and attention? I truly want to release the weight of this judgment but I am afraid if we do, we will shrink in the face of what I honestly judge - or discern- as evil. I would appreciate feedback from any of you! Help! 😘
To me, discernment observes and understands.
Judgment evaluates and concludes.
Wisdom knows when to use each without turning cruel, self-righteous, or blind.
BTW, I attended one of your writing workshops about a decade ago and never forgot the deep learnings. Thank you for all you do.
I'd be so honored if you read my profile and some of my writing. Peace.
I love you, Mark, and am so grateful for the depth of your wisdom during this particular chapter of my "third trimester" in life. Thank you for YOU!